The co-worker or team mate from hell… he or she is
condescending, confrontational and just downright unpleasant to be around. This
person acts nothing like a team mate, but instead as if at war. You didn’t sign
up for war – what do you do?
Unfortunately, this type of situation, this type of person is
found everywhere.. in every workplace, in every type of profession. People of
all education levels and cultures have been found to behave this way. Daily
conflict with someone you cannot stand is a waste of precious energy and takes
away from the team’s production and creativity.
Fortunately, there are usually ways to get around this type
of situation. You can and should defend yourself against negative emotions or
unreasonable demands. Many times, if managed properly, this type of person can
end up to be a manageable, and maybe even likeable team mate!
#1 – BE READY
Always be
ready for conflict to invade your day / space. Understand that (at least right
now), this is the way this person IS. Likely, you cannot change that, you may
be able to influence it in a positive way by setting healthy boundaries. Time
may change this person’s behavior, true and hopefully. But I guarantee, you CAN
and WILL make the situation WORSE by not being ready and not having a plan for
how to respond to this negative behavior. Remember to take the high road,
respond calmly and in a non-confrontational manner – NO MATTER WHAT they say or
do! Plan what you will do, physically that is if and when you get “backed into
a corner” to remove yourself from the situation.
#2 – Don’t Add Fuel to the Fire
People who
already tend to be confrontational or drama driven will love for you to “fight
back” or even defend yourself. “Step Away” from the fire, remove yourself
physically if possible or at least figuratively. MOST of the time, when someone
at work is attacking you, and you respond with a neutral attitude, or even
kindness, it will really slow them down, they will not know how to respond to
that.
#3 - Offer to Help
Many, many
times you will find that a person behaving this negatively is not really a
complete psychopath, a passive-aggressive control freak, nor will they be found
to have borderline personality disorder. (I know, all the signs are there!)
BUT, they very well may just be attacking others or being difficult because of
their own fear or insecurities. They may really feel alone and that they have
no allies. They may also be going through something personal that is really
scaring them or giving them anxiety. Offer to help….
#4 - Get a Third Party Involved
If you have tried to speak to this
co-worker or team mate about the situation and have communicated your wishes to
be on “common ground” with them and it has gone nowhere, ask a third party to “mediate”
for you, ask for a meeting and see if things can be worked out. Don’t forget to
verbally list all the good things you can think about in the person, your
relationship with them and the reasons it would benefit both of you to have a
better relationship. If this does not work, get Human Resources or an effective
supervisor involved.
#5 – Move On
After you
have exhausted all other efforts and the situation is still causing you and/or
other team member’s stress, it may be time to end the situation. If this person
works for you or under you, you may need to let this difficult team member go.
If you are in a different working situation with them, you may want to ask to
be moved to another team, another department or even look for another job. At
this point, your supervisor or business owner is aware of the difficulties and
may choose to try moving the difficult team worker somewhere else, or may ask
them to leave their position on the team.
I hope that these tips will help you if you find yourself in
one of these situations. Most of us, at some point in our careers, eventually
will.
Our consultants provide team building and other team oriented
workshops as well as individual coaching with reasonable fees! If you would
like a FREE phone consultation to discuss your individual situation or have
other questions, please feel free to visit our website and fill out a contact
form at www.TheMaxProfit.com
Renee Johnston
Senior Consultant, Coach and Profitability Specialist
Business Services Group / The Max Profit
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